Thankful for my healthy family!

Yesterday I found out my friends mom died and one of our friend from works baby has a massive tumor around her kidney and stomach! Shes only a couple days younger than my son. I had my son in august and i was pregnant along with 8 other people we knew who all had baby's within weeks of each other. One has passed away of SIDS at 6 months and now this one has a tumor. Its scary b.c i realize how precious he is and it could have been him! We love him more than anything in the world. I don't know how we could ever live if anything happened to him. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out like a baby! Ever since becoming a mom it hits so close to home when you hear about these things happening. I honestly look at the world in a whole new way. Its nothing anyone can understand until you have a baby. Its the hardest job and the best at the same time. The need to keep him protected overwhelms me. I want to do everything i can to keep him safe and healthy. Sometimes it seems impossible in this crazy world. I'm scared for him. I'm still looking into moving to a safer country where life is much simpler. Ireland is still on the top of the list. The more I see about the crime in schools here and how this country is so set on being what they see in TV the more i want to leave. I hate what America has become. Granted there are ALOT worse country's to live in, but the US seems to be topping the charts on a place where not to raise kids. Recently found out Australia has the cleanest air in the world and the U.S. isn't even one of the top country's that speak English as a first language! OK so the language thing doesn't bother me would i would like to know me kids are breathing clean healthy air and that there isn't a pervert child molester waiting around every corner! OK you can say PARANOID but I just worry alot when it comes to my son. Part of the reason why I'm still home with him instead of working. Well recently started to put in applications but only after Matt agreed when we saved up enough money we could move. As exciting as it may sound to move to another country I'd much rather raise my kids here. I wish we could spend summers on the boat in the river and never leave, but I need to do whats best for Matty! I love my family so much and I thank god for their health. I will keep our friends in my thoughts and prayers until they pull through these hard times!

Glad its monday...for once!!!

Well just laid Matty down for his second nap. So here my chance to write a little. The house is a disaster thanks to my taking off of my everyday duties as housewife...lol Now I have double the chores!!! The clean laundry that has been piling up for weeks for lack of space in this house. I've been slowing going through mattys clothes packing up the ones that are too small. Now that Matty has figured out how to army crawl hes non stop all day. Went through most his drawers this weekend now i have to fold all the bigger ones I've washed that have filled his play pen! It was a sucky weekend as expected. Tried not to get my hopes up for mothers day but deep inside i was very hurt and disappointed that we did ABSOLUTELY nothing on that day. It was a like my birthday all over again. He's a great husband but he sucks when it comes to holidays! He asked all weekend what did i want to do for mothers day. I told him all i wanted was a picnic by the river with him and Matty and maybe to the park. So here's how the day went. Slept until 11:15am woke up to my overly exhausted son coming home with my husband from his mothers. Matty passed out finally at 12pm b/c he was over tired and fighting sleep and slept till almost4pm. Oh and Matt decided he was going to take a nap too. So I sat here by myself until Matty woke up and then Matt says "so what do you want to do today?" I was furious but i tried not to show him how upset i was. I wanted to scream at him WTF, are you serious? did you not hear anything i said this weekend about what i wanted to do? You should have already had it planned!!! Happy 1st mothers day to me, it will be one I'll definitely remember! He did buy me card from him and Matty. He also got me a matching necklaces and bracelet that i don't find the least bit attractive. When he gave it to me it wasn't even wrapped and he said "I only got it because it was dirt cheap!" His aunt owns a jewelry store and that's how he got it. I wanted to just stay in bed and cry all night. We finally did talk about it because he knew i was very upset about something. So finally I blew up on him. Same thing i did the night of my 1st birthday as a mom. Matty was only about 2 weeks old, i think i cried for a week with that one. I don't get how hes so sweet and affectionate all the time but cant do anything to make me feel special on those certain days. I also forgot to top off a sucky weekend we have to go to baptism classes for my sons christening in June...fun!

Amost mothers day....blah

I dont know if maybe I'm not all that excited because i really didn't like my mother growing up. Or maybe its because i don't want to expect anything for fear of being dissapointed! Probaly a combination of the both! lol I look foward to the day when it matters to Matty. We'll be spending an early mothers day saturday with the inlaws. We usually spent the past few years with matts mom and sibling on that day but seeing as this year we have 2 new moms in the family were also getting a day to ourselves. I'm sure my sister in laws husband will buy her something of great moniatry value to show her his love, probaly a day at the spa. While I'm sure it will be another day at our house. Yes money is tight for us, not thrown around and wasted. As far future holidays we'll be focusing on our family insted of expensive gifts. I found that not having as much money as we use to at times as been stressful, but has tought me a great lesson. I'd much rather have a gift from the heart that my family has put love and effort into. Dont get me wrong jewlery is nice every once in awhile but i'd rather have a gift you cant put a price on! and yay i lost another couple pounds of my baby weight! At least my husband shows me love and afftection everyday and how much I mean to him. I feel lucky I have him as my husband while some people wait for mothers day to feel appriciated i feel it all the time. Getting yard sale item together for the past couple weeks. Ever since mattys came we've seem to have accumlated twice as much stuff as we use to. Hence the reason why decided to stop wasting money on senseless things that have taken up half the house! There are so many baby items we thought we have to have the ened up being a complete waste of money! We've also decided to start yardsaleing for toys. He plays with majority of toys a couple time and gets bored with them. Not to mention the 65% of the toys he just has no intrest in. He seems to enjoy the toys from yardsales the same and i get 10 toys for the price of 1 new. Most all of them have looked brand new! Why waste space in landfills buying new toys when most used ones are just as good? People waste so much in this country!!!!

The beginning of a blog!!!

Ok, so bear with me. I am not the best writer in the world. In fact my typing skills are horrible and almost non-existent! I probably haven't wrote anything other than in my myspace or facebook since highschool. One of the reason I have decided to start this thing is because i wanted a way to look back at the times that I might have forgotten, or at the moment might not seem to matter. I've realized these past couple years how fast life as seemed to past me by. All the moments that have been lost in the back of my memory. Almost so hard to remember.
Waking up this morning and putting my son into the bath i realized he had his 1st tooth coming through. Tomorrow he will be 9 months and for the most part they have flown by! Yes, we had our brief moments when we thought the days would drag on night after night with no sleep and a crying baby all night because of his acid reflux. I remember feeling like i was living in a daze from being sleep deprived. Wishing i was the one who was working so i could go to sleep at night because i had to get up in the morning. I remember sitting there crying rocking him wondering why we thought we were ready for this. But now I realize your never going to be ready for what comes with having a baby. You learn that all the wonderful moments make up for any bad ones you might have, and the good far out weight the bad. He's the most wonderful thing that has happened in my life other than my husband. It was true that seeing him as a dad as made me fall in love with my husband in a whole new way. I always knew he was going to be a great dad and that's one of the many reasons I feel in love with him. Ever since our son was born I've had this need to feel like i need to do everything i can to make sure hes happy, health, and safe growing up. I felt like there was no way to protect him from this country that's become so crazy. In a way I feel like I'm a failure if I subject him to this horrible culture we are living in. Since he's been born I've really changed my outlook on the world. Everyones striving to be these perfect images we see in magazines. Everythings labels and materialist things. Family is almost 2nd to these things we feel the need to have and buy. These big houses that we don't have to even see our family in our home except maybe a brief passing. Were so worried about other people thinking we are as good if not better than them. I wish people put that much effort into their family's. We've decided to consider moving to Ireland where my family is from. We just want a simpler life where our children our safe to play outside without fear of some child predator abducting them or them feeling like their never good enough. Not to mention the drug problem in this country. I've never been so scared in my life as I have been having to think of all the awful bad things that could happen to your child nowadays. I fell into the whole labels, brands, and monitary things that i thought made a person up until this year. Its the first time I've been able to see past these stupid wasteless things i've spent my hard earned money on. I'm putting everthing i have into chaning my ways so my children dont grow up feeling like i did. I think having a child at 23 made me realize something i might have spent the nest 10 years missing out on. Of course i don't feel like anyone should have a child until they are in a secure loving relationship and they have talked about what their views are on raising kids and marriage. We'll my sons waking up from his nap. Time to be with him.